22: Dopamine Chasing
I really struggle with shiny object syndrome. Have done for years now. Knowing you have a problem is the first step to overcoming it, they say... Yeah I guess, but I really need to figure out how to overcome it.
One thing I noticed really, is that I really enjoy the work that goes into setting up a new coding project. Creating the file structure, downloading packages, initialising the git repo, hooking it up to the remote repo... you get the idea. When I thought about it in more depth, I realised that this is yet another thinly-veiled way of procrastinating. I've been fooling myself into thinking that I'm doing something meaningful by setting up and doing the initial project implementation.
I've acted out this routine so many times now, yet don't actually have anything meaningful to show for it. But the dopamine rush makes me feel good. The dopamine high deteriorates once that initial setup is over and the actual work begins. It's at that point that I start getting a wandering eye, that is followed by self-talk along the lines of "oh maybe doing another project is a better use of my time", "nobody is going to be interested in this anyway". Eventually I will find some sort of BS justification to drop what I'm working on and move to the next thing.
How do I break this cycle? I'm not sure. In a previous piece, I spoke about trying the "follow your curiosity" approach. This makes complete sense, in this skill-building phase, I should absolutely be working on stuff that interests me, HOWEVER, I need to ship. My end-goal is to have a business that affords me a change in lifestyle. To do that, I need to actually ship something.
Ultimately, what I think it boils down to is a fear of failure. I am petrified of being bad at something, so when the going gets tough, I end up just folding. Lacking grit right now, and I need to develop some if I want to achieve my goals.
This post was last edited 3 months, 2 weeks ago.